36-year-old mum finds hope after breast cancer diagnosis

In April 2023, 36-year-old Melissa Lim was going through a busy period. Her youngest child was just a year old, her older daughter was 3 years old, and she had just started a new job at a bank. To manage work and life, she and her husband had moved back in with her parents for extra help.

When she felt a lump in her breast one morning, she dismissed it as premenstrual symptoms. She was young, healthy and had too much going on. But life had other plans.

“What will happen to my daughters?”

When Melissa Lim was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 36, her first thought was, ‘what would happen to my two young daughters?’ (Credit: Melissa Lim)

When the lump remained even after her menstrual cycle, Melissa got worried. But because of her busy work schedule she put off going to see the doctor till she could get a medical appointment at the weekend. By then the lump had grown hard to the touch.

After a series of diagnostic tests, including a 3D mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy, she was called in on a Saturday to receive the devastating diagnosis: Stage 2 HER2-positive breast cancer.

“I turned to ask my husband, ‘Why me?’ And saw that he was already crying,” Melissa recalled. “It felt like a death sentence. My first thought was to wonder what would happen to my daughters if I was gone?”

The toughest part was telling her parents. Melissa felt she could not face it, so she left her husband to break the shocking news to them. Later that night, her mother came into her room and gently said, “I already suspected it wasn’t going to be good news, when you went to see the doctor on a Saturday.”

The diagnosis brought up difficult memories for the family. Just 10 years earlier, Melissa’s younger sister had passed away from ovarian cancer at the young age of 24.

“I felt terrible,” shared Melissa. “Instead of celebrating my father’s 70th birthday, the family had to deal with the news of me having cancer.”

Getting through treatment

Chemotherapy left Melissa so exhausted that on some days she couldn’t even move or speak. (Credit: Melissa Lim)

In May 2023, Melissa was referred to the National Cancer Centre Singapore (NCCS) where she came under the care of Dr Tira Tan, Senior Consultant in the Department of Breast and Gynaecological Medical Oncology, and Dr Tan Si Ying, Consultant in the Department of Breast Surgery.

As HER2-positive cancers respond well to chemotherapy, she was started on a targeted TCHP regimen that combined Docetaxel, Carboplatin, Trastuzumab and Pertuzumab. Each session of intravenous therapy initially lasted eight hours but was later extended to 12 hours, to prevent the severe nausea that Melissa experienced.

“There were days when I was so exhausted after chemotherapy that I couldn’t even move or speak,” she said. “It was tough on the kids because they were too young to understand why I couldn’t play with them.”

She also experienced body aches, brain fog and stomach issues. For Melissa, the hardest part was losing her hair.

Losing her precious hair

One of the hardest parts of going through cancer treatment for Melissa was losing her precious hair. When the shedding became unbearable, she shaved off her hair and wore wigs with hats on top as they were easy to adjust.                           (Credit: Melissa Lim)

"Since I was a teenager in upper secondary school, I've always had long hair,” confided Melissa. “I don't wear makeup or buy pretty clothes, but I’ve always taken pride in my hair!”

When she started chemotherapy, one of her biggest fears was losing her hair. Within a week of the first chemotherapy session, her hair started falling out in clumps. Her husband took her to the salon, but she couldn’t bring herself to shave it all off and settled for a chin length haircut.

However, when the shedding became unbearable, she took the brave step to shave it all off and went wig shopping.

“I found wigs are not that easy to wear, so wigs with hats on top became my go-to! They were much easier to adjust,” advised Melissa.

Family support and silver linings

Melissa’s husband carried the heaviest load throughout her cancer treatment, which allowed her to concentrate on getting better. (Credit: Melissa Lim)

When she was diagnosed, Melissa’s workplace arranged for her to take maximum leave of half a year so she could focus on her recovery. While she went through treatment, her parents made her nutritious meals, and her sister-in-law took her daughters out regularly.

But the person who carried the heaviest load was her husband.

“My doctors commented that he is the gold standard husband,” said Melissa. “He was with me at every medical appointment, he cared for our girls and managed all the finances and insurance paperwork. I didn’t have to worry about anything except getting better.”

Body issues and self-image

By October, chemotherapy had shrunk the tumours, and Melissa was optimistic that she might only need a lumpectomy. However, her surgeon, Dr Tan Si Ying recommended a bilateral mastectomy (surgery to remove both breasts) to prevent recurrence.

Melissa was not prepared for this.

“My boobs were an important part of me – they nourished my daughters when they were born. I felt that I would no longer feel like a woman without them.”

Melissa was given a week to decide, but at the end of that time she was no closer to a decision. At her next appointment, Dr Tan arranged for a breast care nurse who had undergone a bilateral mastectomy to speak to Melissa. Hearing the nurse’s personal experience and sharing her fears with someone who would understand helped Melissa make the decision to move forward with the surgery.

Still, the night before the surgery, she was emotional. Taking a suggestion from breast cancer communities online, she wrote a heartfelt letter to thank and say goodbye to her breasts.

Finding peace after surgery

When she woke up from surgery, Melissa was surprised to feel a sense of calm.

"I felt at peace and thankful that it was over. I wasn't sad or devastated like I expected to be."

She had undergone a bilateral mastectomy to remove both breasts, and had a breast flap reconstruction, using abdominal fat to create new breasts.

“I was very impressed with the results, my surgeon made them look natural. And I got a tummy tuck at the same time!” joked Melissa.

A new perspective

Melissa is now focused on achieving her personal goals, which includes strength training! (Credit: Melissa Lim)

In January 2024, Melissa returned to work but found that her priorities had shifted.

In 2025, with her husband’s full support, she decided to take a career break. She now spends more time with her daughters, and enjoys daily lunches and grocery shopping with her mother.

“In the past, I would stay up till 3am to work! Now my focus is on my family.”

Melissa is also focused on achieving personal goals. She has started walking 10,000 steps a day, does strength training, is learning to drive, and has started a mood board envisioning all the things she wants to achieve for herself in the future.

Lessons learned

In June 2024, Melissa (in the yellow life vest) joined cancer survivors, surgeons, nurses and allied health professionals from SGH and NCCS to take part in the Dragon Boat Rally to raise funds for initiatives to enhance surgical patient care and experience.

Melissa shared that she is now able to slow down and focus on what’s important because of the lessons learnt during her cancer journey.

“Without good health, you don’t have anything. But with it, you can have everything,” she reflected.

She also emphasises the value of patient support networks.

“I can’t stress how important it is for anyone who is newly diagnosed with cancer to find a support group or speak to someone who has been through a similar experience. For me, speaking to someone who had a bilateral mastectomy gave me all the courage I needed to make the important decision to proceed with the surgery.”

***

There are several support groups at NCCS to support patients and their families across Singapore. If you are not sure which support group is suitable for you, contact NCCS’ Department of Psychosocial Oncology at patientsupport@nccs.com.sg or call 6306 1777.