What Should I Say to the Person Who Has Cancer?
It is normal to feel that you don't know what to say to someone who has cancer. The most important thing you can do is acknowledge the situation in some way - whatever is most comfortable for you. You can show interest and concern, you can express encouragement, or you can offer support. Sometimes the simplest expressions of concern are the most meaningful.
Respond from your heart!
Here are some ideas:
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"I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care."
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"I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this."
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"How are you doing?"
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"If you would like to talk about it, I am here."
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"Please let me know if I can help."
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"I'll keep you in my thoughts."
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While it is good to be encouraging, it is also important not to show false optimism or to tell the person with cancer to always have a positive attitude. Doing these things may discount their fears, concerns, or sad feelings. It is also tempting to say that you know how the person feels. While you may know this is a trying time, no one can know exactly how the person with cancer feels.
Humor can be an important way of coping. It is also another source of support and encouragement. Let the person with cancer take the lead. This can be a great way to relieve stress and to take a break from the more serious nature of the situation.
When the person with cancer looks good, let them know! Refrain from comments when their appearance isn't as good, such as "You're looking pale," or "You've lost weight." Cancer and its treatment can be very unpredictable. Be prepared for good days and bad days.
Refrain from telling the person with cancer stories about family members or friends who have had cancer. Everyone is different, and these stories may not be helpful. Instead, it is better simply to tell them you know something about cancer because you've been through it with someone else.
A List of Some Basic Do’s and Don’ts
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Take your cues from the person with cancer. Some people are very private while others will talk more about their illness. Respect the person's need to share or their need to remain quiet. |
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Let them know you care. |
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Respect decisions about how the cancer will be treated, even if you disagree.
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Include the person in usual work projects or social events. Let them be the one to tell you if the commitment is too much to manage.
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Listen without always feeling that you have to respond. Sometimes an empathetic listener is what the person needs the most.
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Expect the person with cancer to have good days and bad days, emotionally and physically.
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Keep your relationship as normal and balanced as possible. Greater patience and compassion are called for during times like these, you should continue to respect his or her feelings.
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Offer to help in concrete, specific ways.
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| Don't: |
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Offer unsolicited advice or be judgmental. |
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Feel you must put up with serious displays of temper or mood swings. You shouldn't accept disruptive behavior just because someone is ill. |
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Take things too personally. It's normal for the person with cancer to be quieter than usual, to need time alone, and to be angry at times.
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Be afraid to talk about the illness.
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Always feel you have to talk about cancer. The person with cancer may enjoy conversations that don't involve the illness.
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Be afraid to hug or touch your friend if that was a part of your friendship before the illness.
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Tell the person with cancer, "I can imagine how you must feel," because you can't.
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Source:
American Cancer Society
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