CanHelp
Tips
Talking With Your Child About Cancer
Telling your child that you or someone in the family has cancer is
perhaps the hardest challenge you have ever had to face. As a parent,
you must decide when, how and what to say. You may not want to burden
your child with your fear, anger and sadness. But, children are often
aware of how you feel. In fact, children may hide their own feelings
to protect their parents. Keeping lines of communication open is very
important in strengthening relationships and prevent unrealistic fears.
Here are some
ideas for talking to your child:
-
Children have vivid imaginations. They depend on their
imagination and fears to explain things that happen around
them. A child may believe that the illness is punishment
for something he has done wrong; he may feel unnecessary
anxiety and guilt. Remind your child that the cancer is
not caused by anything he did wrong. Health professionals
generally agree that telling the child decreases his anxiety
and prevents him from feeling guilty.
-
Be
honest and realistic in your explanations. The amount
of information and the way it should be told depend on
the child’s age and intellectual maturity. As a
rule, a gentle, open and honest approach is best.
-
Talking to others might help you decide what to say. Health
professionals such as doctors, nurses and social workers
can offer ideas. Thinking about what you want to say,
talking it over with other concerned adults and practicing
it with someone close to you will help you feel more at
ease.
-
Because you are the best judge of your child’s personality
and moods, you are probably the best person to decide
when your child should be told. Choose a quiet time and
place. This will create a calm and supportive atmosphere
and you will be prepared for his questions.
-
Your
child knows and trusts you, so he will expect you to answer
most of his questions. Some will ask right away, while
others will ask later on. Nobody – not even your
child expects you to know everything. Don’t be afraid
to say “I don’t know”.
-
Don’t be afraid to ask your child questions. Asking
him what he is thinking and feeling will not create new
fears; it will give him the chance to express the fears
he already has. Tell your child that it is okay to feel
sad and cry. This gives him an outlet for his emotions.
-
Like you, your child will feel uncertain, anxious, and
afraid at times. But, unlike you, he may not be able to
talk about his fears. So he may express them by being
naughty or by being quieter than usual. You may want to
discuss your feelings with your child if you think they
interfere with your relationship.
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Talking
to a child about cancer is not easy. He has the same emotional needs
as any other growing child. Take some time each day to love and
enjoy each other’s company. As you and your family learn to
cope with cancer, you will undoubtedly have many questions. Remember
that the health care team is there to answer questions and give
support to you and your family. By calling the Cancer Helpline on
tel: 622 55 655, you will be able to speak with a cancer trained
nurse counselor who can answer your questions and listen to your
concerns.
*
For simplicity, we are using the general term “he” to
refer to children of both sexes.
Reference:
Talking with your child about cancer, National Institutes of Health,
NIH publication No. 91-
2761, (1990). Bethesda, Maryland.
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