| Achieving
Sexual Happiness for Ostomates
By: Nurse
Manager Flora Yong
Cancer Education & Information Service, NCC
Feelings about
sexuality influence our zest for living, our self-image, and our
relationships with others. Yet, patients and doctors often hesitate
to talk about the effects of cancer treatment on sexuality. Just
as you have a right to know how your treatment affects nutrition,
pain, or your ability to return to work, you have a right to know
the facts about your sexual health.
People vary
so widely in their sexual attitudes and practices that defining
“normal” is almost impossible. “Normal”
for you and your partner is whatever gives you pleasure together.
The ideal is for both partners to agree on how to make their sex
life happy. Even as an Ostomate, you have every right to enjoy a
healthy sex life with some adaptations.
Key
Ingredients for Staying Sexually Healthy
| a |
Gather
as much information as you can. Talk to your Doctor or Stoma
Care Nurse, join a support group or gather information from
credible website. When you know what to expect, you can plan
ways of dealing with those issues. |
| b |
Keep in
mind the fact, no matter what kind of treatment you had, the
ability to feel pleasure from touching almost always remain.
Pleasure and satisfaction are possible, even if some aspects
of sexuality have changed. |
| c |
Try to
keep an open mind about ways to feel sexual pleasure. You and
your partner can help each other reach orgasm through mutual
caressing and stimulation. Those times can be an opportunity
to learn new ways to give and receive sexual pleasure. Do not
deny yourself different ways of expressing caring and feeling
alive, just because your usual routine has been changed. |
| d |
Strive
for good communication about sex with your partner and with
your doctor. Good communication is also the key to changing
your sexual routine when cancer disrupts it.
If you talk to your doctor about sex, tell your partner what
you have learnt. Always try to be appreciative of each other’s
support. The worst enemy of sexual health is silence. |
Special Aspects to Consider
Resuming
Sexual Activity
In general, most patients can resume sexual activity 4 to 6 weeks
after surgery. It is also about the right time you feel well and
have the desire. However, it would be advisable to seek your doctor’s
advice if you are in doubt.
Some
tips to help you along
- Plan sexual
activity for a time when your stoma is usually not active.
- Avoid eating
gas or odour producing foods before you make love.
- Check the
seal to make sure your appliance fits properly. Empty your stoma
bag before lovemaking to prevent leakage.
- Use an attractive
pouch cover so that the appliance look less “medical”.
- Another
possibility is to wear a small-sized stoma pouch during sexual
activity.
- If you have
a 2-piece system, turn the pouch around on the faceplate so that
the emptying valve is to the side. If you wear an elastic support
belt on your faceplate, tuck the empty pouch into the belt during
sex, or wear a wide sash around your waist to keep the pouch out
of the way. Another way of keeping the pouch from flapping is
to tape it to your body.
- For the
man, wear a comfortable yet attractive undershirt to cover your
appliance.
- For the woman,
wear a “sexy” lingerie to cover the appliance.
- A stoma
is delicate and can be irritated when there is too much friction.
You should never put an object into your stoma, unless you are
following special instructions from your doctor on dilating the
stoma.
Sexual
Positions
There is no magic position that is right for everyone. You and your
partner need to experiment to find
one that is comfortable for you.
- Choose sexual
positions that keep your partner’s weight off the stoma.
- Ostomate
lies on the side, partner enters from the rear
- Partners
lie side by side, facing each other
- Partner
lies on the back with ostomate on top
- Ostomate
is seated in a broad armless chair facing partner
- Ostomate
sits or kneels astride partner. This position allows the ostomate
to move more freely, and the partner can caress him/her.
- Small and
large pillows can help as supports. Your sense of humour is also
a good motivator.
The information
above does not cover all possible options but I hope they can help
you and your partner overcome some concerns on resuming sexual activity.
Ref:
Schover, L.R.(1988), Sexulity & Cancer : For The Man Who Has
Cancer, And His Partner. American Cancer Society, INC, New York. |
