Caregiver Survival

By: Flora Yong,
      Nurse Manager,
      Cancer Education & Information Service, NCC

You probably get a lot of advice on how to do your job as a caregiver. Most of the advice – well meaning or not – comes from family, friends, neighbours, professionals, or anyone else who feels obliged to tell you what to do. In all of this, there seems to be some consistency. Almost everyone feels you should take care of yourself and that’s good advice.

Being a good caregiver means taking care of ourself as enthusiastically as you care for your loved one. Take time out from your care giving duties to find respite in some other activity. Make other arrangements for your care receiver for a half-day or even an hour to have lunch with friend, go to a movie or the hairdressers. Do it and you’ll come back to your care giving responsibilities with renewed vigor.

Take relaxation breaks. When the going gets tough, stretch, walk, meditate, pray or practice relaxation techniques. Take time to release daily tension, especially when you are working under pressure. Tension – and it’s cohort, stress, reduce productivity.

Attitudes are very powerful. They determine the way you live. Once you truly understand and accept this basic fact of human nature, you will gain control over everything you do. That includes every decision you make as a caregiver and as a human being.

Attitudes are reflection of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Thoughts are really “self-talk”. They lead to feelings. You cannot have a feeling without first having a thought. Feelings lead to actions. If you tell yourself your care receiver is wonderful, you’ll think your care receiver is wonderful. You’ll do things that make both of you feel good. And best of all, you’ll feel a lot better about being a caregiver and you improve your chances for survival.

Positive attitudes are self-reinforcing. They provide the motivation you need to carry out your care giving responsibilities with ease and spontaneity. They give you a practical outlook on life and inspire you to achieve your care giving goals and objectives. Develop
a positive attitude and you’ll be able to acknowledge and accept your darkest feelings – anger, resentment, and fear – and know why they are there. Take control of your attitudes toward care giving and you’ll experience those feelings without guilt. Share those feelings with people who care about you to get the support you need.

Maintain a positive attitude and you’ll nurture your self-esteem and your sense of humour. Laughter and a sense of humour provide an effective antidepressant that doesn’t require a prescription. And best of all it’s Free!

Here’s a checklist of things you can start doing right now to develop a positive caregiver attitude:

· Be flexible in dealing with people and events.
· Set realistic goals for yourself and meet them.
· Forgive yourself for mistakes and learn from them.
· Accept the things you cannot change in yourself or others and move ahead.
· Take satisfaction and pride in your accomplishments and don’t dwell on your shortcomings.

Remember that things always turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Some helpful books and website:
The Caregiver’s Book: Caring for Another, Caring for Yourself by James E. Miller – Minneapolis, Augsburg 1996.

The Caregiver Survival Series: Preventing Caregiver Burnout by James R. Sherman – Golden Valley, Minnesota: Pathway Books, 1994 & 1998.

Blessed are the Caregivers: Practical Advice and Encouragement for those Providing Care to Others by Cain D. and Russell B. – Prospect, Ky.: NB Publishing & Marketing, 1995.

www.canceradvocacy.org/resources/essential/caregiving