| Talking With Your Child About Cancer
Telling your child that you or someone in the family has cancer is perhaps the hardest challenge you have ever had to face. As a parent, you must decide when, how and what to say. You may not want to burden your child with your fear, anger and sadness. But, children are often aware of how you feel. In fact, children may hide their own feelings to protect their parents. Keeping lines of communication open is very important in strengthening relationships and prevent unrealistic fears.
Here are some ideas for talking to your child:
| 1. |
Children have vivid imaginations. They depend on their imagination and fears to explain things that happen around them. A child may believe that the illness is punishment for something he has done wrong; he may feel unnecessary anxiety and guilt. Remind your child that the cancer is not caused by anything he did wrong. Health professionals generally agree that telling the child decreases his anxiety and prevents him from feeling guilty. |
| 2. |
Be honest and realistic in your explanations. The amount of information and the way it should be told depend on the child’s age and intellectual maturity. As a rule, a gentle, open and honest approach is best. |
| 3. |
Talking to others might help you decide what to say. Health professionals such as doctors, nurses and social workers can offer ideas. Thinking about what you want to say, talking it over with other concerned adults and practicing it with someone close to you will help you feel more at ease. |
| 4. |
Because you are the best judge of your child’s personality and moods, you are probably the best person to decide when your child should be told. Choose a quiet time and place. This will create a calm and supportive atmosphere and you will be prepared for his questions. |
| 5. |
Your child knows and trusts you, so he will expect you to answer most of his questions. Some will ask right away, while others will ask later on. Nobody – not even your child expects you to know everything. Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”. |
| 6. |
Don’t be afraid to ask your child questions. Asking him what he is thinking and feeling will not create new fears; it will give him the chance to express the fears he already has. Tell your child that it is okay to feel sad and cry. This gives him an outlet for his emotions. |
| 7. |
Like you, your child will feel uncertain, anxious, and afraid at times. But, unlike you, he may not be able to talk about his fears. So he may express them by being naughty or by being quieter than usual. You may want to discuss your feelings with your child if you think they interfere with your relationship. |
Talking to a child about cancer is not easy. He has the same emotional needs as any other growing child. Take some time each day to love and enjoy each other’s company. As you and your family learn to cope with cancer, you will undoubtedly have many questions. Remember that the health care team is there to answer questions and give support to you and your family. By calling the Cancer Helpline on tel: 622 55 655, you will be able to speak with a cancer trained nurse counselor who can answer your questions and listen to your concerns.
* For simplicity, we are using the general term “he” to refer to children of both sexes.
Reference: Talking with your child about cancer, National Institutes of Health, NIH publication No. 91-2761, (1990). Bethesda, Maryland.
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