Forgiveness - What It Entails
Contributed by: Mrs. Anna Thia, M.Sc. (Psychology)
NCC Patient Ambassador
Imagine a world without forgiveness:
Perpetuating the grief suffered within ourselves;
Living with constant resentment;
Clinging to the past;
Seeking revenge.
We need to forgive in order to re-establish peace and continue living with one another in a community. People who cannot forgive have trouble living in the now – they cling to the past, miss out on the present and block off the future. No one can change the past, but with forgiveness, we have the power to see things differently.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is something we do primarily for our own sake to heal ourselves emotionally. Forgiveness is an internal process involving feeling of wellness & acceptance, letting go of pain and negative emotions from the past. Forgiveness takes more than willpower – it takes time, depending on the hurt). Forgiveness means we no longer want to seek revenge. Forgiveness is moving on with our lives.
9 Steps To Achieve True Forgiveness .
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Step 1: Decide not to seek revenge.
| Consequences of Revenge : |
| It focuses our attention & energy on the past. |
| It re-opens our wounds by reminding us of the offence. |
| It demeans / degrades us to the level of the offender. |
| It stifles creativity and hinders personal growth. |
| It arouses deep feeling of guilt in us. |
| It has a ‘Boomerang’ effect (counter-attack). |
| It leaves us vulnerable to a whole series of stress-related illnesses. |
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Step 2: Recognize our pain / suffering. To tend to it |
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Step 3: Share our pain with someone. To lighten the burden. |
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tep 4: Accept our anger. |
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Step 5: Forgive ourselves. |
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Step 6: Start to understand the offender. |
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Step 7: Discover what the pain means in our life. What have we learnt from it? |
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Step 8: We need to experience forgiveness. |
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Step 9: Open up to the grace of forgiveness. |
Forgiveness of Self
| To forgive others, we first need to learn to also forgive ourselves for: |
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reaching for the unreachable star |
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being fragile |
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being ashamed of my pain |
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blaming myself of my misery |
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striving after unattainable perfection |
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closing my heart to myself |
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not being able to anticipate everything |
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hating myself |
In short, I want to forgive myself for being human. |
